Butterflies in my stomaCh...

I move...
get all my muscle worked out
I think...
force my brain cells to work
I ran...
my heart pumpin harder,,
n my blood circulate faster
I love...
pour my heart with shimmered water cooler with a nice smell of summer breeze

I made it
doesnt mean dat I wont regret it
I forgot it
doesnt mean dat I dont want it
I regret it
doesnt mean I am always right
I love it
doesnt mean that I deserve it,,
also doesnt mean that I have to break down when I fallen for love

I conquer the world with my own thought,,,
that I think everything is not always possible as wot people normally believed..

I am a coward...
coz I know I am not always rite...
after I've done sumthing,,,doesnt mean it will turns out real good...
but sumhow I always know that I've been BLESSED with certain goods and conditions which others dont have 'em...
I have got everything I have always wanted...
but sumhow...

all the GOOD THINGS make me worried,,,
I got worried of losing the things dat right on my palms...

I was Sorry...

If only I could turn back time???
---

If only I could,,,not juz 'IT' dat am gonna fix...
imagine millions scars I hav by now!!!
sumtimes I really wanted to scream,,
right time - right place
is juz NEVER EVER happen to me...

I've had enough of this parade.
I'm thinking of the words to say.
We open up unfinished parts,
Broken up, it's only love.

And when I see you then I know it will be next to me
And when I need you then I know you will be there with me
I'll never leave you...

Standing here looking out e window
My night's long - Cause I don't have you
How can I be so damn demanding?

But I can't let go///I juz wanna lean on u...
I dont wanna let u down,,
I dont want it to stop!!!

Its all MY FAULT...
I break down n cry - I scratched ur heart - I felt it
I still fallin-and will keep on fallin
coz my love dont stop...
but I dont hav guts,,to come up n stand next 2 u again...
I dropped blood in plain water,,
its all too late...














u're my heart---
is there anybody can LIVE without e heart????

Jammin' in DREAMIN...

Sumthin am good at it is dreaming!!!
n thus sumthin am NOT so good at it,, is makin my dreams come true!!!

I thought I had handled it so well, but I guess it’s normal. I'm human after all. I need to go through this.
A lot to process, but above all, a great lesson. I guess I’m just afraid of the fog.

Juz liq any other girl...

Sumtimes I felt grateful dat I don’t have anything, coz by then I realize – I have nothing to loose…

Sumtimes I grudge my self on being ‘stoned’ in a way.. couldn’t feel wot I feel,, couldn’t see wot I see,, and couldn’t differ which is which… in other words…its fun 2 be SILLY sumtimes…

The interesting thing is that I realized how complex human behaviour is. And although we are of the same species, some traits do differ. Some people live by their morals and never act out of selfishness, when others act in a complete opposite way. I stood in between. I realized that even good people can act out on shady behaviour. I am not in any way implying that that is an excuse! It is obviously wrong to hurt other people's feelings in order to get our own satisfaction.

On the other hand, I have a hard time believing people are either good or bad. Human nature depicts the complete opposite. Our primarily drive is to be selfish.
I myself know that I am a social creature with different levels of weaknesses and strengths.
which make everything so complex...
anyway...no such thing could truly defined...everything might juz switched at anyhow

am gambling in complication and stuttered in confusion...
dat made me be a slow walker,,,but never mind;

Am a slow walker,,, but I never walk backwards

“Abraham Lincoln”

If only life is juz about love…

If only Fairy tales are real…

If…

Prrffffff.......

Hi there!!!

HI...
its been more than a month since I posted sumthin on here...
1st of all "Ied Mubarak" for everyones who celebrate it...
am baq in Singapore again btw,,if any of ya wondered,,,hahaha

am sorry of been missing from cyber space for quite a while...

many things happen within a month,,
I cant even think on how come times runnin so fast...
without I waited,,,I hit the 21st years in my lifetime juz days ago...
am no longer should be act liq a kid I supposed,,hahaha...
but wot can i say then....
terms and conditions sumtimes made me feel like am acting liq a kid which is seems stupid,,,haha....nvr mind...
here's e thing by now....

wish me gud luck coz am about entering a phase where i'd better not taking e wrong step or else i just fucked everything up....

Prrrfffff...

LIFE is AIN'T EASY 'EH????

well,,juz drop by 2 say hi...will tell u anything else later on...
wuff wuff...

daily wear....essential wear.....

well,,am here,,baq hum,,and many things made me felt so happy lately,,,I met my Dad(I even wit him by now in Starbucks coffee,,browsing internet,,they got e best one rite here,)---and I apologize I dont blogging this time around coz e internet connection at my place is kind of fucked up anyway...) and then back to the "home" story----I can see my brother everyday-seeing him with thousands of funny act he has,hahaha...and I finally can stand up rite here without the burdens I used to carry...I can breathe easily,,I can think clearly,,I can laugh as much as I wanted to...e hardest part is juz,,I am missing my Bamy a lot...be patient Sarah!!!u'll be with him again sooner or later,,,laff u Big Guy....

F.Y.I - I finally got guts to cut my hair,,its quite short for me-well,,compared to e length of my hair was...but I love it,,,it looks cool....sum says I look older (or mature-if u wanna say that) and sum other say I look younger and fresh...hahahaha...anyway I juz luv it...here I posted a pic of me..wot do y'all think??hmmmm.....hahahahahahha

My brother without I realize he grew up so fast,,,he's a cute lil dude,,he's smart and talk like an adult sumtimes,,hahaha.....he's e one I've been missing the most back then when I wasnt around...look at him,,he's cute ait? and he loves my new hairdo too,,hahaha...

Oh ya,,,there's another interesting thing,,MY CAT IS PREGNANT,,,she will delivers e babies next month maybe,,,she is so cuddly and fat by now,,,but she is still beautiful tho'....I juz took her to e Pet's saloon,,because she got so many hairloss..its normal as wot they said-during e pregnancy,,,e thing is I dont kno wot am I gonna do when e kitties born,,5 of 'em,,pprffffff....hopefully my parents allow me to keep at least 2 or 3 of 'em,,,e rest??????ANY OF U WANT A KITTY?????????hahaha

"hellooowww,,,my name is Clara,,am 8 months old,,,and I'm pregnant.."hahahaha......

here is me and my luvly Clara,,haha.....and this was e last pic of me with my long hair,,, (T_T')
she loves me and I love her too...hahahaha

--->>>well,,dats all for now I guess,,,since my voucher is goin to be finish,,haha...am off to go....
laff y'all.............

HOME AGAIN

it feels good,,
it feels strange,,
it feels happy,,
it feels sad,,
it feels great,,
it feels terrible,,
its a sense of longing aint no belonging..
things changed aint no chance..
love is all around but aint no comfortness..
I DONT KNOW!!!

SAD 2 LEAVE - HAPPY 2 GO

pfffff.....juz arrive in Singapore...AGAIN....this place,,,hahahaha
am so sad when I got to leave MaryBone...seeing my room so dull and my cupboard all empty...
am happy indeed-I can see my Baby AGAIN!!! I mizz him damn much (am in his room right now by the way...)
am so sad the Lala-Landers has to be splited up...
no more spending time all through the midnight together in the kitchen-enjoying foods-not really proper,but we still love it,,no more gossiping,,no more foolin around,,no more "smoky" kitchen,,no more "drunken" day(eventho' e last time was a very long nite ago-even b4 we left),,,no more kinky games,,no more ignore each other,,no more hurry and in a rush going to school or HAND IN ASSIGNMENT,,to be very honest---I DO LOVE students' live,,I juz regret it...but we all through everything by NOW...am so sad my friend.....

believe me,,am gonna miss y'all...
am happy dat we all through...
I miss y'all Already...
(pictures will be added SOON!)

love y'all...
mmmmuuuaaaccckkkk!!!

a lil break of moi by watchin this kid-Jordy Lemoine

believe me,,this baby is super-duper CUTE...hahaha

this is my CONFESSION

The contextual of myself to be more concern on the confession of the confusion under certain conceptional concession towards the contradiction of the condemn condition…

hahahahaha… are you confused? I am confused…to mush reading stuffs,,starring at lappy’s screen and tried to came up with word by word for the essay made my brain embargoed to came up wit correct sentences because have been bullied by vocabularies for these several past days…hahaha =D

well,,gladly I almost through with my school,,there's slight sadness feeling and loads of happiness indeed... the thing is,,,dun wanna say good bye to e place that I actually started get used to,,and say bye2 to all my fellows,,hikshiks...am juz a typical 'human being' - Never Get Enuff of everything that I have achieve...well,,I have to learn to be grateful on every single thing on my hands...

"Because life only gives itself to the one who gives himself. To the one who loved, to the
one who cried, to the one who suffered." Vinícius de Moraes

but off u know,,,there is no such easiness when it comes to heart to deal with... am I right???

I juz carry TONS of questions even my self barely control 'em..followed by plenty worries and fears and confusion...like in 'starlight' by MUSE

Far away,,,
This ship has taken me far away
Far away from the memories
Of the people who care if I live or die

stop talking about life,,
Lets talk about wot is happening these times around

hmmm..lets desiphering on sumthin else...

do u think it as-such-as ethical issue??!

me: I dont think so,,first FOR REAL...its all in your mind rite? if u dont think its a taboo thing,,the it wont be the one..its all in ur MIND,,haahhahaha..2ndLy, her face doesnt shown up and and e nipples are censored and she's still wearing panty,,so its save for kids to see,,and no particular harm dat may affected kids social behaviour,,hahahaha,,no such watershed needed...Ofcom already made a move about it....3rdLy,,,even tho' she's naked,,,IT DOESNT MATTER (Nora, 2007) because its MY BLOG,,its my private space,,
but I know since the development of technology has been amazing til then everybody could sat their ass in front of computer and browse on internet - as Jürgen Habermas says; then this is no longer a private sphere, but, PUBLIC SPHERE---then this is BE IT...
well,,no such thing as PRAGMATISM,,am not too philosophical like Mr. Andre Imada a.k.a Andrea a.k.a Morillo (hahahahaha) who wants to get in to Frankfurt school (sorry bro,,it is juz not my stuff)---am not a thinker who describes myself as pragmatist consider practical consequences or real effects to be vital components of both meaning and truth. (hahahaha...f**k it!!)---where were we??? oh ya,,,ethical issues (dont bother,,this is my space,,am not doin it under any institution nor meant to globalize my self or making money or commercialize or even to be capitalist nor communist (who da hell in da world who doesnt wanna makes money anyway!!!)theres no way I could get closer to R.Murdoch wannabe anyway---hahahahhihihihihihihhihehehehehehohohohohohoo) well,,could be counted globalize if my fren lets say,,,in Nairobi or Indonesia or Ecuador or sumwhere in Mexico or elsewhere (u named it) might read my blog and see what is happenin with me lately by reading sum nonsensical stuffs that I wrote rite here...hahaha

I think I get out of the Line by now,,hehehe (Nvr Mind!!!)

well,, anyway women's body made of ART,,,so there's nothin wrong to show e beauty of it (hehehe,,,yeah rite!!! my body is not accepted tho' hehehe) but if u have nice cut back and nice-shaped one,,,why not? hehehe....I know am not a feminist---I am more into pseudofeminism I think,,,hehe.....not because of th e male gaze that I've had in mind tho (dun care...I got my Bamy who cherish my belly tho' hehehe) its more into healthiness and self-confident....so, better dont judge any too thin or too fat people,,,as they are 'this' and they are 'that'...as long as they are confident and "be your self"---they are PHAT enuff tho'..hehehe.....but who doesnt wants a beautiful long legs that could fit in SKINNY JEANS nicely and suit to stucked up any lovely PRADA Boots,,,hahahaha.......Bollocks!!
well,,well,,well.........

am tired,,,and cant think of anything else.....
lemme hibernate ma self people...
adios!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

last few things

Hmm...if only everyday we can feel like this..hahaha


Dream-Plan-Achieve...well,,this is pretty much wot we're actually good at (Pose!!!)--coz we are camera whore... hahaha....


This is the impact of going to school!!!! mwahahahahaha This is our achievement from it "PhD" (Permanent Head Damage),,,,LOL



Last class,,,last pose in it??? and wots with the uniform people!! hahaha


Library!!!! YEEAAAHHH...who doesnt Loves Library anyway??? eh,,,where's Jen??hmm....she's not in e pic???


this is our lecture Mr. Iqbal Akhtar,,,da' dashing guy!!! hahaha

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
am about to leave this place,,,
happy but sad,,,believe me,,i will shed a tear when I leave this place,,its like the whole 3 months we've been through e tough time in our live,,as in 2gether for almost everyday...
EVERYDAY...
me,,Leny,,Nora,,Sheilla,,Jen,,Andre,,Brittany,,and another creature that we dont counted as 'US' if u know who!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!hahahaha.....am so bad,,,but I dont care,,she sells,,we buy,,hahahaha...
cant believe its juz 9 days left,,OMG...this is where exactly I had my time to THINK and THINK!!! might says,,this is,,HERE where exactly I found out things that I havent been thought about it before,,,its like a flash,,,but its truly meaningful for some1 like me,,,i spent my time to have flashback and consider more on wot is up next and wot should I do next.............
It seems bullshit like sum1 could changed in a short term,,but I DO....I feel like am a different person by now....it seems like I've been through revolution of my self,,towards sumtimes that I even underestimate my self dat I can PASS!!! hmmm...........

Today is our last class,,,,cant believe,,coz it seems like its YESTERDAY we juz stepped in our first lecture and seminar....and all the sudden we reach the end...........I've been blessed by the wave of luck...I juz deny it sometimes.......

Luv it!!!!!!!!

Imogen Heap - Goodnight and Go


Say goodnight and go.

Skipping beats,
Blushing cheeks.
I am... struggling..
Daydreaming,
Bed scenes in... the corner cafe
And then I'm left in bits recovering tectonic... tremblings
You get me every time.

Why'd ya have to be so cute?
It's impossible to ignore you..
Must you make me laugh so much?
It's bad enough we get along so well..
Say goodnight and go.

Follow you home,
You've got your headphones on
And you're dancing
Got lucky;
Beautiful shot:
You're taking everything off
Watch the curtains wide open
And you're following the same routine;
Flicking through the TV, relaxed and reclining
And you think you're alone..

Oh, why'd ya have to be so cute?
It's impossible to ignore you,
Must you make me laugh so much?
It's bad enough we get along so well..
Say goodnight and go.

One of these days,
You'll miss your train,
And come stay with me...
{It's always say goodnight and go}
We'll have drinks,
And talk about things and,
Any excuse to stay awake with you...
You'd sleep here,
I'd sleep there,
But then the heating may be down again,
At my convenience...
We'd be good,
We'd be great together...

SCHOOL.....and COOL Pupils...

School.......
aaarrrggghhh....even hear e word made me feel eerie? any of u feel the same way too??
hahaha...this is e exact school depicted on the animation...which,,,none of any under age kids should watching this,,hahahahaha

wot a cool boys huh???
any of u agree wit it??dat that is wot we shud do??
LOL

significant//insignificant

current mood: mellow yellow

my goodness,,time is runnin so fast eh? didnt even notice that August is about to finish... cant wait til i got 2 c my baby again,,cant wait to step in e new life after this... end up being a student doesnt mean that problem solved tho',,it means,,the real tough life started,,this is e time i should start to think on how to survive by my self,,til when i hav 2 hang on under my parents'???
hmmm....easy to say,,,hard to do,,I BELIEVE....
didnt know dat this is gonna be dis much consideration 2 take....
well,,at least---i almost done with this school stuff....i found a guy that i want//wish dat he will get involved in my storyline//wish i could grow old with him>>>i wish....and my Mom>>>juz sit tight and see,Mom--I'll bring u happiness,,and gonna make u proud of ME,,an am sorry for being a hard ass kind of daughter,,but i know my self better that no one could be.... Dad>>>i dunno where r u by now,,,I DO MISS U,,,hows life daddy??it seems like u're longing but not belonging to me,,,i know wot you've been through,,i know how tough life is,,juz dont hide,,i've tried it doesnt works dat way---am still proud to be yours,,no matter wot they said!!!

Is acting upon our own selfishness in certain situations a lack of character, or is it possible that the very behaviour can be explained by psychology or even biology? How much does environment and genetics play a part in our behaviour?

One part of my heart smiles, to the other one that cries..

You can still shed some fire in your heart, without getting burnt..

I'm humble...I'm juz a tiny lil creature walking through the lines that already been there...and dunno where to end-----------there's nothin 2 prove,,nothin 2 show,,its all about feelings..all about instinct--in a distinction or even higher,,consideration underneath could make all of those either drawn or shown!!!

it beats me

stay sober

current mood: calm

heyya,,,
y'all probably askin wot da heck happenin on e title,,haha...
its real,,i stay sober these time around,,,probably e longest time i do,,and it feels great,,haha... cant believe i can do it...
i finally feelin grateful for everything i do,,i walked through time to time with concern...i juz realize am changed-in a good way,i grown up,and move forward...and it feels so damn good...
but then,,i dont feel sorry for wot i've been doing back then,,its my way to reach this stage,,its something different-a part of learning progress...i named it that way!!!

hhmmmm...
now,,2 weeks 2 go til i'm done with all this stuff...i cant believe times' runnin so fast,,eventho' it seems dat in my entire life there's 100 days in a month and 50 hours in a day...
prrrfffffffff.......tiring.....for sure
but gladly everything seems fine by now,,,and am about to step in e "big world"................
i know i can do it!!!!!
am hang in here,,and will doing better and better!!!!!
I LOVE MY LIFE
i really do.........now,i seems like have EVERYTHING...............
thanx God,,for e beautiful life i've got..............

well,,assignment left...
1. Subject Area--Film Overview,V for Vendetta(3000words)--due 30.08
2. International Media--BBC, European media (1500 word)--due 31/08
3. Professional Practice and Ethics--Reality TV,Big Brother (2000 word essay)--due 03/08
4. Graphic Comm MCATR3006???????--due 04/08>>>I dunno wtf is dis??but i found it in my timetable...OMG,,gotta find out wot is dat!!!!
5. EXAM--Public Info. Campaign--2 hours examination 05/09
(shud I explain one by one???better dont,,,haha....my life is misserable enuff caused by e never ending assingments....hahaahahha)
and after those all finish!!! AM DONE!!!! hahahahahaha......and will travel through infinity,,,wohohohoho...........YIPPY!!!!

well,,wish me luck everybody!!!!
=)
now,,its time to hit e bed,,,hahahahaha
good night,,,
selamat malam,,,
buenas noches,,,
boa noite,,,
buona notte,,,
gute nacht,,,
goede nacht,,,
bonne nuit,,,
hahahahaha..............................

Luv Luv,,,
Mmmmmuuuaacccckkkk...............

!!jigsaw!!

current mood: burnt

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

bloody hell,,,,,,whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy???
leave me alonnnnnnnnneeeeeeeee!!!!!!!

WHO AM I WITH??????IT DOESNT MATTER!!!!!!!!!! GET LOST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I DUNNO WOT ELSE 2 SAY,,,BUT AM EXTREMELY FUCKIN PISSED WITH EVERYTHING U PEOPLE HAS MADE ME BE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARE Y'ALL HAPPY WITH THIS???????????FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[dont mind me!!!!]

hmmmm...............

I MISS U....I know---es culpa mía---perhaps,,,juz to much into you...but I cant resist!!!

Yo aqui estare para ti,,Cuando siempre quieres de mi.
Te quiero, y me faltas tu,,Loca por tu amor, Te amo.
Si no estas aqui,,Que voy a hacer sin ti
Quedate por favor
Eres tu que no debes
Que sin ti es dificil,,y me pierdo, me faltas tu
Escuchamé, tu me vuelves loca,
y necesito ser solamente tuya
[no logro entender]
(((well,,Dave or Anybody,,feel free 2 correct my spanish,,haha---my first trial writting phrases in one tho'...hehe!!! Favor de corregirme)))



and YOU...yes,you...I MISS U...

I feel lost,,sumwhere,,outta nowhere,,it is already hard...

hmmm...few more days 2 get 2 c u again...

days by days I am more realize dat YOU is all I need,,no matter how tough e times,,terms and conditions,,as long as I got U to calm me down,,and heard u say 'I LOVE U' it is such a big relief... evrytime I close my eyes I thank e Lord that I've got U---when I'm with u,,I dont want it to ends...dunno how its leading to and no matter wot,,but as long as I got u NOW,,I'd hold u tight,,I know evrythin is gonna b ALRITE...

aaaahhhhh....

I feel so blue,,on thoughts of billion things runnin around my mind,,school's end soon,,new LIFE begin,,and facing deals as an adult,,sounds damn scary,,REALITY SUX!!!
1st thing 1st,,stop runnin away and blaming on things and start fully consentrating on urself Sarah!!!!!! u can do it... thinking on wot is e next step I should take rite after all these end...
well,,the more I try to reconsider,,the more deep of stress I felt,,the more I pretend that I dont care,,the more messed up everythings are.........
juz take it easy rite??yeah yeah yeah......its easy too,to talk........realisation is not easy dawg,,

well,,at least I have sumthin I can hang on,,,,people that I can count on...
and "sumONE" I can hold on---and this sumONE where I can finally have dreams,,am not naive,,,I'm not hoping sumthing impossible,,,but at least I am looking forward on happiness that we could achieve,,,either in terms of TOGETHER or on our own....Juz hoping al the best things wil happen,,,I deserve it rite????after wot I have been doing for ages....
I know I do...

sentirse incómodo con algo

trembling...
yes,,quite how I feel...
wondering on wot am doing??
like it or not,,working or not,,promissing or not...
the situation is quite tricky,,its riddling
too many things to consider,,too lil time
quite weak with fatigue of e short life-time with lotsmuch cases---feagued by conditions...
I hang on---on adversity
I conquer by no consciences as guidance
am I being exagerate??? Puzzling word by word 2 blame the world and life of wot i've faced???attempt not to admit things that clearly belong to me---and simultaneously strive for things that obviously absurd [I know its pathetic...]

I can say,,I go with the FLOW...
be calm and go low---
but how low can I go???

I wait and I wait,,
I make a move...whether its worthed or not
like it or not,,working or not,,promissing or not...

Rise and Shine.....

good morning......
its 4 in e morning rite now,,hehe(like Gwen Stefani's song)

I slept quite early last nite,pay back for e previous nite coz I was awake e whole nite doin my 'democracy assignment' hahaha......pfffff.....tiring hence confusing....
Moreover (hahaha)....well,,cant go back 2 sleep,,,
my Dad woke me up,,,OMG.......juz holla 2 talk rubish,,,hehehe......

well,,
here I am...
after done my morning pray,,,then....blogging,,,in e early morning,,,with a bottle of Yazoo banana and Cg..hehe
1st thing first when I woke up,,haha....I shud stop smoking (I know!)
but dunno howwwwwwwwww....

I felt sumthin missing...w/out knowing wot I've found
I felt I've finaly found...w/out knowing wot I've been looking for
I'm still LOOKING for...w/out knowing wot has been MISSING
People have DREAMS
some seeking and make it REAL...
some GIVE UP and throw it away...
some QUITE and juz KEEPING it for the rest of the LIFE----and I'm one of a kind

somethin fishy up here..pretty yet deadly...

dont mind me....
I hav class 2 do at 10.00
dont feel like going,,am so tired...hhhhhh.....
i cant go back 2 sleep.........
i'd rather try....

Your Vibe Is Somewhat Sexy

On a good day, you're the sexiest woman in the world But on a bad day, you can't help but feel a little average Try to remember the times you've felt the sexiest... And keep that attitude even on the worst of days

What Kind of Sexy Girl Vibe Do You Have?

hahaha---quite much can say...

You Are a Passionate Kisser

You are the most likely type to kiss a sexy stranger Your kissing style is unpredictable and free spirited You could kiss anyone at a drop of a hat It's all about where your passion leads you

What's Your Kissing Style?

Hmmm...quite rite about passionate,,but NO!!i dont kiss strangers no matter how sexy they are..

You Are a Party Girl!

You give Paris Hilton and Tara Reid a run for their money (Who knows? You've probably even run into them at a club or two) While you do have fun - relax a little every so often All those drinks do nothing for your looks - or your bank account

Are You a Party Girl?

hahahaha...this one,,,u judge me!!!!

==>>>well,,juz for fun tho'

guts 2 get hum....

"Its NOT EASY to FALL - when u FLOAT like a CANNONBALL"
another BULLSHIT that i have to face!!!

i gotta go home..yes,,within a month,,,after am done with this then i'll be home...its not about home,,,its about nonsensical stuffs that rely on this undercover meaning that made by them....

again,,hav to do things that i dont want to do...imagining i hav to get back to e NIGHTMARE i used to had...dunno wot else they've plan for me,,,they juz dont hav guts to let me go,,,scared of losing their doll to play with,,and knowing that i'll run away because of wot they've done to me...

wotEVER,,,lets hav a look at it from different perspective,,,
this is where the beginning of the "REAL LIFE"...
i'll smack up e world and turn it way around--to see ME...yeah ME!!!!

i'll go home with this gurl perhaps,,hahaha...

Burlesque

my brain is goin down e drain...
I'm not ready facing reality,,

I'm a Robot in certain ways,,am not quite happy bout wot i'm doin...

So many times I have parted in silence without uttering a single word.

The aftermath is consequently awful. I left behind questioning the dreadful;

"Why didn't I say this, why didn't I say that?"--crap!!!

I'm stuttered..

nobody knows me but AT ALL...gimme a break!!!

gimme time to be more concern of myself...

The more I dwell upon this,

the more I'm convinced that limiting myself carry

no glory nor a point in itself.---shcizophrenia

BOLLOCKS!!!

lemme out from this fearness..fearness of facing the fear that's already 'on hand'...

no HOPES nor EXPECTATION...tired of disappointment!!!

lemme keep expecting the unexpected,,gimme MORE SURPRISE!!!!

am not happy---no bluffs

the destination all covered with mystery...

am all mezmerized by dream which such a fascinate power to putting me more in anxiety and spirit depleted---thats how it goes...

am sick of it!!!

the Chronicles of the MAN who owns my HEART...

well,,i can tell am fallin for this guy...

since the first time we met...didnt get to know him any further but sumtimes he came accross my mind,,beyond consideration...
well,,had chance to see him again after around 4 months we were not in touch,,and got a chance to chill out with him sumwhere in Singapore...
Oh my God,,we barely know each other but everything just *clicking* of me and him...unbelievable...i can feel sumthing amazing about this guy,,and after that nite,,when we met again,,and again,,and again..
got time to went home b4 i leave singapore,,and so i left,,for a week..believe me,,that was the longest week in my entire life..full with anxiety to be end,,so that i can juz go back 2 singapore and see him again...at that point of time,,i didnt know that it will be that hard,,i cant sleep,i cant think of sumthin else,,my heart beat fast everytime i've been thinking of him...rite there,,exactly on that time,,i knew that I'm in LOVE......i am so grateful that i had that time,,a week to consider and think deeper on how i feel,,and ensure my self am on e rite time finding my Mr.Right...
and I knew its WORTH for me to WIN his heart

I do adore the comfortness he made if we'r 2gether,,,
I love the way he Listens to every single thing i.am saying,,and love the way he let me know if i'm doing sumthing wrong,,,
I love the way he Kisses me,,the way he hugs me,,and the way he Looks deep into my eyes with his deadly eyesight,,,
love the way he speaks, or telling me jokes (eventho' i couldnt get e meaning of it sumtimes ;p), love the way he stares at things, love the way he snores and really appreciate if he gives me much more space on e bed,,even he almost fell down (hahahha...so sorry my dear)

he trully is the sweetest gift for me,,,well, i'm already super-glued to him tho'...

he's super cute,,he's mature and thats wot i really need,,hence humorous,,he's quite a chatter-box actually (sorry dear,,but everybody Luvs it),,he is able to understand me inside out,,well could be meaning "inside" too,,wotever u interpret e hints i gave,,but hell yeah!! this guy knows how to treat a girl...luvly and gentle...he made me feel like a 'principessa' in his castle of Love....wohohohohoho....well i juz been tackled by him and fell into his strong arms and dont wanna let go...
I juz love the way he is...and I wont try to be a sequin covered swan in front of him,,so that i would know whether he luv me juz e way i am or nah.....I open up my mask which is e most thing i scared of,,but hey!
am pretty sure he Loves me,,i can feel it,,,he told me so,,,and achieving his treatments and seeing him 'doing' me,, i can feel his love,,no matter how,,i juz LOVE this guy,,,and it goes deeper and deeper...

well,,sumtimes i cant believe my self that i hooked up with him tho' its juz so amazingly feels like living in a dream....
but sincerely..i had no doubt since the first time i stepped in 'here' with him..i juz hav my faith when i decided to say 'I LOVE YOU TOO'...
well,,wot I have now is juz unbelievably wonderful and undescribeable and dont even hav a tiny lil thought to put him away from me or put him out outside my storyline,,i want him to be a part of it,,and wishing i wont be relinquished by him---as he's the only one i trully desire...

"the GREATEST LOVES are those that have OVERCOME OBSTACLES because they have WITHSTOOD those things that life can thrown at them..."

well despite the fact that we hav faced rite now,,,i can make sure i can pass it,,,i am trying with all my best and dont mind sacrificing with everything i hav if i hav 2...fuck e distance,,sumtimes i had fear of losing him,,but i still hav faith,,rite here inside my heart,,coz the love that i give 2 him is not a bullshit...i'll hold on tight and wont let him go...all mine he has to be!
this is not a puppy love,,this is not a high school love like wot i had years back...this is the Love in a truth-condition which i can ensure that am not PLAYING AROUND,,its no longer a playground for me,,this is not a game i used to play...its a part of maturity that i hav to achieve whether i like it or not...if i fail with this,,i cant named my self as a 'Lady',,,
anyway,,everything i need-i've found in him,,then why should I try or even think of finding or seeking sumthin else which even impossible to find any better than him... he is juz one in a million,,the greatest of the bestiests that i've been encounter...

well,,i juz wish he would know that i LOVE him more than much,,NONE OTHER GIRL will LOVES him as much AS I DO,,
and i hope he feels the same way too....

Hhhhhh.......

God...
wot is with me???
sumthing really do bothering me so much...
hope everything will be alrite...
NOT AGAIN!!!! Pleeeaaasseeee.... NOT AGAIN!!!
I juz cant take it any longer...
its enough for me...
gimme the pain if I hav to get the pain....
I really do cant take this floating feels...

somebody...

anybody...

LaLa Land pt.III

Well,,Leny was havin a Birthday Bash Last Saturday 29th July,which is the actual B'day was on 23rd July,,that day she turns 20 years old..HAPPY BIRTHDAY my Dear,,welcome to the twenty's..sit tight and relax,,enjoy the game!!!hahaha Lurrrvveee yoouuu...
well,,that nite we started havin big meals at Nando's (as our Fav restaurant...) then....we call it a paaarrrtttyyyyy!!!!


again...our fav spot....BaaBar!!!
where else 2 go..
well,,dun worry,,our plan to go for a club marathon in Liverpool will COME..hahaha


o...owww...this is the latest 'Three Musketeers'
we hit e floor like "Whhoooaaaa"...LOL...dunno y last saturday we couldnt snap "proper" pictures..maybe we were havin so much fun,,so we dun care bout it...but this is our best snapshot for that nite babies...

well,,i can say,,,this is the first nite of TMC representation goin out 2gether (as in the complete version of US),,hahaha...
i had fun...so Much...
well,,LaLaLanders trully EXIST...hahahaha
Luv y'all FuLL (except e one with the red Top,,huahahaha)
sorry...no offense...but its true....am juz tellin the truth dawg...hahaha

If Only

Dreaming is wot exactly people LOVE TO DO...wot beneath it??desire??hope??disappoinment??or BULLSHITS??

possibilities under dreams wot goes surround with and qualified the outcome of the truthfulness of that dream---or else its juz BOLLOCKS!!!

DREAM ON people!! u dont hav to sign any contract to be a dreamer...feel free to have one or two,,or even three...beyond imagination all about self-centered...fly away!!!

I bet dreamer are the greatest artist on their own life,,,that could draw on or completing the sketch on their canvas-path and made 'em beautiful...

dreaming---concern of what they trully needs and hav their own faith of themselves because they can understand wots on their mind and stick to it and wont let anybody else screw it...

well at least thats better rather than loitering here and there patching point by point to be explode and worth nothing---its ME

i'm not a dreamer,,,wish i could hav one tho'....but how can i dreaming in the nightmare-reality?

might be exaggerating a bit, but, its a sin for me to dream on i guess...certain "people" might start saying 'y do u need a dream? LOOK at you,,wot else do u need?'...."wot?" bloody plongkers u dont know that kid needs dream?? u dont know that normal people do that eventhough the ones live in the castle and live like 'Richie Rich'...no no no,,y'all might think its all about the money...its a BIG NO NO!!! towards extend,,money will give you headache,,remember George Jung???he got tired counting $300,000,000 and even dont hav space anymore in the house to keep his money(hahaha...) and he failed his dream--now i brought this up ;p

i know evrything hav its own value,,,but NOW underlined that 'how you get the valuable thing accomplished and how to make that valuable stuffs has values???'

LOVE has values,,i think!!! do u believe that? wot about LOVE dont cost a thing??? haha...
its all about its values whether worth or not worth to hold on to it...(i think)
up 2 ya,,but lets see,,in this stupid era of wotever they named it...live in hypocrisy breathe and naivete athmosphere with snakes and backstabbers lived in...

if only people know that human is the highest creature on earth,they should be grateful not stand-up and raise their face arbitrarily...
if only evryone realize time flies so fast,they should granted each seccond that flung away...
if only evrybody hav no regrets of themselves,,perfectness will be right in front off their eye-balls
despite the fact that we never get satisfied of wot we had and always fancy someone else's belonging,,some says "that grass is greener..." well grass is juz a grass...its normal tho' thats a typical human being...dunno that could be counted normal,,or the "if onlies" counted as normal...

I juz wondering
wot the meaning of LIFE when we hav to DIE???
wot the meaning of DREAMS while we hav REALITY???
and whatsoever,
there's no exact thing as heaven if there's no hell
no GOOD things if theres no BADness
no WHITE if theres no BLACK
its nature thing,,
its a powerful glue toward that begins to form a bond as soon as the two coated surfaces are brought together,,or each of 'em seems or looks or be the GREATEST and on top of the hill of the enmity and raised deals up....
Nothing in this world is real...we made it real,,as wot Stuart Hall or whoever saying...

am juz being nonsensical,,of the nonsense meaning-making out from the nonsense stuff by the nonsense point of view perhaps...
in expectation we're expecting of an expectancy that expectantly sometime meant to be unexpectedness emerged.
thats all about it...
a Mi modo de ver...
"ser de ver"


Me ver do con él

the MEANING of your NAME

A: Gorgeous
B: Loves people
C: Really easy to fall in love with
D: Is great in bed
E: easy to fall in love with
F: People wild and crazy adore you
G: Never let people tell you what to do
H: Freakin' beautiful eyes
I: Loves to laughJ: Makes people laugh
K: Really silly
L: BEST SMILE
M: Makes dating fun
N: Sexy
O: Has one of the best personalitiesever
P: Popular with all types of people
Q: A hypocrite
R: Good bf/gf
S: easy to be loved with
T: Great kisser
U: Gets blamed for everything
V: Not judgmental
W: Very broad minded
X: Never let people tell you what to do
Y: Loved by everyone
Z: Lives life for fun

S: Easy to be loved with

A: Gorgeous

R: Good bf/gf

A: Gorgeous

H: Freakin' beautiful eyes

(hahaha...this is fun dude!!am proud of my name anyway,,,everybody luvs it,,hahaha)

!trato hecho!

here's the deal of reaching dreams that I've been holding on for so long...

I've been living all by my self since years...wondering why I dont even have 'homesick' feelings??? people said "Home Sweet Home"
mine said..."Home=Hell"---dont even wanna get close to it anymore...
too bad i had to left people that I loved,, my Mom,,my Brother...
its like i left my heart behind...

Life is about deals right??? this is the huge deals that i had to faced since ages...
robust and sturdy as how I seen to them---but I broke down and torn apart...
facing tough life that I have is like sailing onto wide ocean all alone with a small boat all BY MY SELF...i hav friends that come and go,,even Lover---but I dont hav guts sometimes 2 tell them how I feel,,I'm not good at expressing my self.....am a dumb ass.....I can see people love me,,I can see they care about me,,I can see they treat me well---and I adore them....regardless of juz dont wanna put them in the sorrows that i had...

Anybody knows me but at all??? I cant even describe my self nor known my self better…
Compassions, thus, hopes underneath the tough cover that I had are juz totally opposed for every single thing. My life such a rollercoaster, took time to goes up,, hangin up there and waiting for the fears of going down,, fallin…amazingly scary adrenaline pumpin, but always don’t mind to go back that feelin again and again,,sum said,,Get Used to IT or addictive…
Addict of the pain that freeze my heart and wont feel any single pain as how the ‘normals’ felt it. If u could see my heart,,,it looks horrible,,its juzt a piece of thing that broke down into pieces then my self tried to glued back 2gether,,its fragile nevertheless strong enough,, its sensitive although its immensely harsh. Achieving pain juz like a mosquito bite ‘Oh, I got it again!’ or ‘Oh, this feelin again!’ take NO BOTHER,, juz a small little feels with PIQUANCY HORRENDOUS wound beneath!!!!---[underneath Lies and Complacency of the proudly contemptuous feeling on the stupid thought of "I can HANDLE it by MYSELF"]

"no te vas a creer esto!!"

i'm an Outrageous one,,, I live in a labyrinthine maze of backstreets,,,
dont even hav any idea where's the way out it...
but I could enjoy it...i still can smile,,can laugh,,and cry and scream out in the same time...
its not misserable,,its enjoyable...
deadly games that I've been played since ages...

well,,Laugh it out loud...
"GOOD THINGS ALWAYS COME TO AN END"

am a FREAKO and proudly saying that!!!

da' soRRow

here i.am
outspoken and so insecure

dunno wots in mind but i juz feel overwhelmed from every single thing i had..
i do exist,,i do take a part or two in this extraordinary game that people played,,
but i felt alienated-ill at ease...
sick of the fact that i've taken role in the camouflage and drawning in fakeness in terms of move to deceive opponent...no win win solution in life-its either winning or losing...

well,,who am.i? no one but a small tiny gurl that comes over wit sorrows and with a vengeance kicking losers that has tried to ruin her life...i dont know anything about life,do i? am juz bloody 20 and hav nothing to do to change the world...sick of living my life and bangled hence hav ease of movement by myself..FRANKNESS---yupp,,quite exactly wot i.am!! i've tried and i've tried but still,,no one will get wot i want...desire??--bulshit!!! things i truly deserve??--yeah,,in my dream...i got served,,and being sucked at e sametime...

yadda..yadda..yadda.....
i know erything is so damn DULL...its juz too late for my path to be moisted so that i could slide up through it... i retorted to sum up e overall meanings of my achievement and deservire...tiring,,its been ages but dun know where i regarded to,,where to go,,wot to do,,
FEAR of seeing the end of my line, perhaps...hang on,,am not scared of death,,,everybody will hav their turn,,am not a saint--far from that to be exactly...but i know,,my heart is not emptied from beliefs of all-knowing e Creator of the universe, worshiped as the only One whom i take my bowed to..yeah,,other thing bout me,,fully sins,,but no regret of doing my duty of geting back to e one of above...this is me...being anarchist in my own perception,,rebellion under certain custody that i never ever will understand of the rules beyond it...
am happy being me,,wish i could go on my own and none other will spoil it,,,lemme stand here and concern and taking myself as how i wanted to...leave me alone!!!

am finishing my work,,,knitting my own trail,,and fill up my path with sumthin beside boredom---hope one day when i finish my duty in life,,everybody will reminds me beside knowing only my name on their head...
might still be long way to go...i'll enjoy it...
childhood---DONE,,,maturity---stepped in not long ago and hell yeah!!!plenty things to do rite here,,,producing kids and having new life with sumone whom from his rib i've created from...dunno how it will be...but better be good!!! hahaha...wot else could it be?

underlined;
am not done with this...
i wont give up,,,
rise and shine Sarah!!!

LalaLand part.ll

hahaha...this is the continuos story of how we live in LalaLand

these are the VICTIMS also the BULLIES in e same time of e severity in e LalaLand

well,,that was HOT...everyone starin at him...

imagine!! 1 dude with 4 gurls,,hahaha...
GooD eh?!?!

WHOOP!!! dun forget 'el duo dinamica'
or in other words WE ARE 'e victims of DEMOCRACY'
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
"inside we dancing,,there's another dance"

this is the "three musketeers" that colonizing e dancefloor..hahaha

they way we dance is not wierd dawg!!lol

hahahahahaha...

here we are...

again and again and again!!!!

Live in LALA_LAND

well,,last nite we baq on the FLOOR...
it was SMASHED!!!
first i was lazy toget ready even do make up
but juz took anything i saw and it came up like school wears..

well,,dont really like the clubs here b'coz we got mollested for several time by the bloody plongkers here...quite unsafety but its ok...we got Andre as our security guard...or we can be his..hahaha....
well,,sumtimes i feel so bad for my self,,go clubbing by walk seems so pathetic for me sumtimes,,could make me feel even more lonely walk in the freeze eventho' i got companies..















Well,,thanx guys,,y'all at least e ones that could make my days cheerful and so much FUN...
and e funniest thing from last nite was,,when we did e YMCA thing,,hahahaha
on our way home...we did this........
















well,,the story of livin in LalaLand to be continued....

ON *FIRE*

Alrite,,now i'm about to tell the story bout yesterday tragedy,,haha..

08.50 i was juz woke up and smelled sumthing burning,,went to check our kitchen up,,then no one in the cooking or heating foods..i asked all my flatmates, and nobody has any ideas wot is happening...

back 2 my room and online with my Boo,,

10.00 all the sudden my frens call me to see wot was happening,,

Gee..e flat under ours was smoky as hell,,we saw e smoke came out from their kitchen's window, and we were wondering y e fire alarm didnt goes on,,and all e sudden

SHOT!!! e fire alarm goes on,,,and we all in a rush try 2 get change our pyjamas,,I even was wearing my kimono only,,hahaha...

We went down and it was kind of cool,,,yeah rite!!! fire avacuation???COOL???
nah...e firemen are HOT,,,hahaha...then wot we do were juz staring at 'em and havin 'kinky imaginations' hahaha (sorry my Darling,,,u're way hotter than 'em dawg!!hehe) and we juz taking photos and get chocolate from vending machine while e others staring at us and wierdly seeing our weird acts during fire evacuation,,even one of my flatmate was asking some package that she supposed to get it days ago to e school's staff..hahaha...wot a mess and we made it messier...well,,i'll post sum pics so y'all could c...

---all saint---

-when my life is going well--i may forgot of my responsibilities of obeing the ONE who owns my life and bluring in deep hole of fatamorgana that came up after wot i've seen in this bias life...hang in here without trying hard and pray will be juz waste of time..
-but when all sorrows strike me out,,who else and where else i should run away and squeal on?? the ONE of Above is the one i go for...back to bow from kneeling and forehead touches and drawn in pray and hope for He will keep giving His grant from above to me unstopable..

if i'm outta my mind,,i feel mad and unhappy of all i got,,beyond my consideration...then i juz take ablution and seeing Him in my pray and feel really2 sorry for being mad...i dunno i'm a juz little creature-of fleash n blood i'm made,and sinful and contemptible n stigma---and sumtimes i cant handle my self, to some extend i might forgot my own obligation and drawning in worldly or glamorous life,,which i knew its juz temporarry times for me..while i should keep in mind that--

the eternity life that i will hav is e one after death

Dear Lord

dont let the Distant grow between me & You...

thank u for every beautiful days that i've got, the luckinez, the gifts, the colours in my life...

thank u for every obstacles i had--i knew that You juz perfecting me

I knew there's a blessing in every lesson...

thank u for Your Grant from Above..

When the sky is torn apart, so it was (like) a red rose, like ointment.
Then which of the favours of your Lord will you deny?
(ar-rahman:37-38)

Before the marriage:...

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Yes!
She: Will you hit me?
He: No way! I'm not such kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: My Hubby^^....

Now after the marriage you can read itfrom below to up !!!!

by e time goes by.... IT GOES BY---

You said I began This messy state of love affair And I drink too much and smoke too fast And this city's cleared my innocence Coffee is pouring out my ears It's the only thing they have in here And my heart stops beating And when it stops it stops My heart stopped And when it stops it stops My heart stopped beating Number tree still on my plateI heard the trains are running lateAnd I laugh out loud My life is a messI have gone too farIn my lifelessness Another coffee it's on the house The poor girl look is on the owners spouse And my heart stopped beating And when it stops it stops My heart stopped beatingAnd when it stops it stopsMy heart stopped beating Outside your house To make a scene In my head you grabbed me passionately But the lights are out And in an hour I walked on homeIn the pouring shower Lost my keys in front of me My neighbor's smile he's handing me The blackest coffee you will ever see And my hearts stopped beating And when it stops it stops My heart stopped beating And when it stops it stops My heart stopped beating...

-Emiliana Torrini-

wtf???

http://www.myheritage.com" border="0" alt="" />

SO??? HALLE BERRY huh???? HAHAHHAHAHAHA =D

blaze

"Let go of ANGER... Its an ACID that burns away the delicate layers of your HAPPINESS..."

and thats how I should do right now....

well...dont bother me if my face turns to be frawn...
dont look at me when i burst because of the madness that I have...
sometimes i feel naive to faked the smile-i'm tired of break down & cry!!!
loosing my faith when i'm in anger,,and forgot the gift in e realm of mine that I supposed to be gratefully obliged...

-rain down on me-
All my days of misery, someone could have taken 'em from me.

a bit PATCHY

"Love yourself, or nobody else will!"
"Live the day today, and not tomorrow"

---

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone...

I'd rather being the stupidest among e smarts,,rather than being the smartest among dumbs!!!

and talking about obsession__sumtimes it could be causing a sharp stinging sensation

How many people obsessed with WEALTHINESS and FAMOUSNESS?

thinking of how many mansions+rides they have, thus, smooth+fabulous skin they have with nice shaped body and nice cut-back...

HEY!!! you cant be too thin or too rich..or can those make ensured they'll get wot actually they have been pursuing about?? oh..ya!!! its called HAPPINESS...
those insolent peps couldnt understand...
I think havin a lot of money can actually cause grief and sadness---while they're greedily happy digging more and more GOLDS and DIAMONDS...

sorry but it's true---if ur name is Rockefeller or Kennedy,,,
can u ever be sure dat somebody is being nice because they genuinely like you???
wudn't u always be wondering if they were more interested in ur money?MONEY.MONEY.MONEY...
Christina Onassis was one of the richest women in the world - when she died,,, i don't think she died with SMILE...

We WOMEN...

are too hard on ourselves,,WAY TOO HARD...

think about how generous and forgiving we are when it comes to other people.....

and how impossibility critical when it comes to judging ourselves.....
no mater how - as long as we can wear Roberto Cavalli or Marc Jacobs or Louis Vuitton or Versace or wot ever they named it,, being the Femme Fatale or the Pompous,, try to enjoy e life as an Anorexic,, and even Boost our ass to be on e front line - be smart but in fact juz appeared like BIMBO...

we focus on our problem areas-->>>

we look in the mirror and all we can see is

"SomeTHING MISSING"

neva mind--juz sum thoughts came accross my mind

--IF U GET WOT I MEANT--

work HARD...play HARDER

hmmm...

I'm done with sum WORKS

soo....relief.........
school is pain in e ASS man!!!
but its alrite...i can handle it...
i'm a big gurl...

life is a PARTY...party is a LIFE---
so...PARTY ON!!!! hahahaha

hmmm..will get back on this--

now,,i need sum rest,,and back to "e field"
hahahaha

-luv-