If Only

Dreaming is wot exactly people LOVE TO DO...wot beneath it??desire??hope??disappoinment??or BULLSHITS??

possibilities under dreams wot goes surround with and qualified the outcome of the truthfulness of that dream---or else its juz BOLLOCKS!!!

DREAM ON people!! u dont hav to sign any contract to be a dreamer...feel free to have one or two,,or even three...beyond imagination all about self-centered...fly away!!!

I bet dreamer are the greatest artist on their own life,,,that could draw on or completing the sketch on their canvas-path and made 'em beautiful...

dreaming---concern of what they trully needs and hav their own faith of themselves because they can understand wots on their mind and stick to it and wont let anybody else screw it...

well at least thats better rather than loitering here and there patching point by point to be explode and worth nothing---its ME

i'm not a dreamer,,,wish i could hav one tho'....but how can i dreaming in the nightmare-reality?

might be exaggerating a bit, but, its a sin for me to dream on i guess...certain "people" might start saying 'y do u need a dream? LOOK at you,,wot else do u need?'...."wot?" bloody plongkers u dont know that kid needs dream?? u dont know that normal people do that eventhough the ones live in the castle and live like 'Richie Rich'...no no no,,y'all might think its all about the money...its a BIG NO NO!!! towards extend,,money will give you headache,,remember George Jung???he got tired counting $300,000,000 and even dont hav space anymore in the house to keep his money(hahaha...) and he failed his dream--now i brought this up ;p

i know evrything hav its own value,,,but NOW underlined that 'how you get the valuable thing accomplished and how to make that valuable stuffs has values???'

LOVE has values,,i think!!! do u believe that? wot about LOVE dont cost a thing??? haha...
its all about its values whether worth or not worth to hold on to it...(i think)
up 2 ya,,but lets see,,in this stupid era of wotever they named it...live in hypocrisy breathe and naivete athmosphere with snakes and backstabbers lived in...

if only people know that human is the highest creature on earth,they should be grateful not stand-up and raise their face arbitrarily...
if only evryone realize time flies so fast,they should granted each seccond that flung away...
if only evrybody hav no regrets of themselves,,perfectness will be right in front off their eye-balls
despite the fact that we never get satisfied of wot we had and always fancy someone else's belonging,,some says "that grass is greener..." well grass is juz a grass...its normal tho' thats a typical human being...dunno that could be counted normal,,or the "if onlies" counted as normal...

I juz wondering
wot the meaning of LIFE when we hav to DIE???
wot the meaning of DREAMS while we hav REALITY???
and whatsoever,
there's no exact thing as heaven if there's no hell
no GOOD things if theres no BADness
no WHITE if theres no BLACK
its nature thing,,
its a powerful glue toward that begins to form a bond as soon as the two coated surfaces are brought together,,or each of 'em seems or looks or be the GREATEST and on top of the hill of the enmity and raised deals up....
Nothing in this world is real...we made it real,,as wot Stuart Hall or whoever saying...

am juz being nonsensical,,of the nonsense meaning-making out from the nonsense stuff by the nonsense point of view perhaps...
in expectation we're expecting of an expectancy that expectantly sometime meant to be unexpectedness emerged.
thats all about it...
a Mi modo de ver...
"ser de ver"


Me ver do con él

the MEANING of your NAME

A: Gorgeous
B: Loves people
C: Really easy to fall in love with
D: Is great in bed
E: easy to fall in love with
F: People wild and crazy adore you
G: Never let people tell you what to do
H: Freakin' beautiful eyes
I: Loves to laughJ: Makes people laugh
K: Really silly
L: BEST SMILE
M: Makes dating fun
N: Sexy
O: Has one of the best personalitiesever
P: Popular with all types of people
Q: A hypocrite
R: Good bf/gf
S: easy to be loved with
T: Great kisser
U: Gets blamed for everything
V: Not judgmental
W: Very broad minded
X: Never let people tell you what to do
Y: Loved by everyone
Z: Lives life for fun

S: Easy to be loved with

A: Gorgeous

R: Good bf/gf

A: Gorgeous

H: Freakin' beautiful eyes

(hahaha...this is fun dude!!am proud of my name anyway,,,everybody luvs it,,hahaha)

!trato hecho!

here's the deal of reaching dreams that I've been holding on for so long...

I've been living all by my self since years...wondering why I dont even have 'homesick' feelings??? people said "Home Sweet Home"
mine said..."Home=Hell"---dont even wanna get close to it anymore...
too bad i had to left people that I loved,, my Mom,,my Brother...
its like i left my heart behind...

Life is about deals right??? this is the huge deals that i had to faced since ages...
robust and sturdy as how I seen to them---but I broke down and torn apart...
facing tough life that I have is like sailing onto wide ocean all alone with a small boat all BY MY SELF...i hav friends that come and go,,even Lover---but I dont hav guts sometimes 2 tell them how I feel,,I'm not good at expressing my self.....am a dumb ass.....I can see people love me,,I can see they care about me,,I can see they treat me well---and I adore them....regardless of juz dont wanna put them in the sorrows that i had...

Anybody knows me but at all??? I cant even describe my self nor known my self better…
Compassions, thus, hopes underneath the tough cover that I had are juz totally opposed for every single thing. My life such a rollercoaster, took time to goes up,, hangin up there and waiting for the fears of going down,, fallin…amazingly scary adrenaline pumpin, but always don’t mind to go back that feelin again and again,,sum said,,Get Used to IT or addictive…
Addict of the pain that freeze my heart and wont feel any single pain as how the ‘normals’ felt it. If u could see my heart,,,it looks horrible,,its juzt a piece of thing that broke down into pieces then my self tried to glued back 2gether,,its fragile nevertheless strong enough,, its sensitive although its immensely harsh. Achieving pain juz like a mosquito bite ‘Oh, I got it again!’ or ‘Oh, this feelin again!’ take NO BOTHER,, juz a small little feels with PIQUANCY HORRENDOUS wound beneath!!!!---[underneath Lies and Complacency of the proudly contemptuous feeling on the stupid thought of "I can HANDLE it by MYSELF"]

"no te vas a creer esto!!"

i'm an Outrageous one,,, I live in a labyrinthine maze of backstreets,,,
dont even hav any idea where's the way out it...
but I could enjoy it...i still can smile,,can laugh,,and cry and scream out in the same time...
its not misserable,,its enjoyable...
deadly games that I've been played since ages...

well,,Laugh it out loud...
"GOOD THINGS ALWAYS COME TO AN END"

am a FREAKO and proudly saying that!!!

da' soRRow

here i.am
outspoken and so insecure

dunno wots in mind but i juz feel overwhelmed from every single thing i had..
i do exist,,i do take a part or two in this extraordinary game that people played,,
but i felt alienated-ill at ease...
sick of the fact that i've taken role in the camouflage and drawning in fakeness in terms of move to deceive opponent...no win win solution in life-its either winning or losing...

well,,who am.i? no one but a small tiny gurl that comes over wit sorrows and with a vengeance kicking losers that has tried to ruin her life...i dont know anything about life,do i? am juz bloody 20 and hav nothing to do to change the world...sick of living my life and bangled hence hav ease of movement by myself..FRANKNESS---yupp,,quite exactly wot i.am!! i've tried and i've tried but still,,no one will get wot i want...desire??--bulshit!!! things i truly deserve??--yeah,,in my dream...i got served,,and being sucked at e sametime...

yadda..yadda..yadda.....
i know erything is so damn DULL...its juz too late for my path to be moisted so that i could slide up through it... i retorted to sum up e overall meanings of my achievement and deservire...tiring,,its been ages but dun know where i regarded to,,where to go,,wot to do,,
FEAR of seeing the end of my line, perhaps...hang on,,am not scared of death,,,everybody will hav their turn,,am not a saint--far from that to be exactly...but i know,,my heart is not emptied from beliefs of all-knowing e Creator of the universe, worshiped as the only One whom i take my bowed to..yeah,,other thing bout me,,fully sins,,but no regret of doing my duty of geting back to e one of above...this is me...being anarchist in my own perception,,rebellion under certain custody that i never ever will understand of the rules beyond it...
am happy being me,,wish i could go on my own and none other will spoil it,,,lemme stand here and concern and taking myself as how i wanted to...leave me alone!!!

am finishing my work,,,knitting my own trail,,and fill up my path with sumthin beside boredom---hope one day when i finish my duty in life,,everybody will reminds me beside knowing only my name on their head...
might still be long way to go...i'll enjoy it...
childhood---DONE,,,maturity---stepped in not long ago and hell yeah!!!plenty things to do rite here,,,producing kids and having new life with sumone whom from his rib i've created from...dunno how it will be...but better be good!!! hahaha...wot else could it be?

underlined;
am not done with this...
i wont give up,,,
rise and shine Sarah!!!

LalaLand part.ll

hahaha...this is the continuos story of how we live in LalaLand

these are the VICTIMS also the BULLIES in e same time of e severity in e LalaLand

well,,that was HOT...everyone starin at him...

imagine!! 1 dude with 4 gurls,,hahaha...
GooD eh?!?!

WHOOP!!! dun forget 'el duo dinamica'
or in other words WE ARE 'e victims of DEMOCRACY'
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
"inside we dancing,,there's another dance"

this is the "three musketeers" that colonizing e dancefloor..hahaha

they way we dance is not wierd dawg!!lol

hahahahahaha...

here we are...

again and again and again!!!!

Live in LALA_LAND

well,,last nite we baq on the FLOOR...
it was SMASHED!!!
first i was lazy toget ready even do make up
but juz took anything i saw and it came up like school wears..

well,,dont really like the clubs here b'coz we got mollested for several time by the bloody plongkers here...quite unsafety but its ok...we got Andre as our security guard...or we can be his..hahaha....
well,,sumtimes i feel so bad for my self,,go clubbing by walk seems so pathetic for me sumtimes,,could make me feel even more lonely walk in the freeze eventho' i got companies..















Well,,thanx guys,,y'all at least e ones that could make my days cheerful and so much FUN...
and e funniest thing from last nite was,,when we did e YMCA thing,,hahahaha
on our way home...we did this........
















well,,the story of livin in LalaLand to be continued....

ON *FIRE*

Alrite,,now i'm about to tell the story bout yesterday tragedy,,haha..

08.50 i was juz woke up and smelled sumthing burning,,went to check our kitchen up,,then no one in the cooking or heating foods..i asked all my flatmates, and nobody has any ideas wot is happening...

back 2 my room and online with my Boo,,

10.00 all the sudden my frens call me to see wot was happening,,

Gee..e flat under ours was smoky as hell,,we saw e smoke came out from their kitchen's window, and we were wondering y e fire alarm didnt goes on,,and all e sudden

SHOT!!! e fire alarm goes on,,,and we all in a rush try 2 get change our pyjamas,,I even was wearing my kimono only,,hahaha...

We went down and it was kind of cool,,,yeah rite!!! fire avacuation???COOL???
nah...e firemen are HOT,,,hahaha...then wot we do were juz staring at 'em and havin 'kinky imaginations' hahaha (sorry my Darling,,,u're way hotter than 'em dawg!!hehe) and we juz taking photos and get chocolate from vending machine while e others staring at us and wierdly seeing our weird acts during fire evacuation,,even one of my flatmate was asking some package that she supposed to get it days ago to e school's staff..hahaha...wot a mess and we made it messier...well,,i'll post sum pics so y'all could c...

---all saint---

-when my life is going well--i may forgot of my responsibilities of obeing the ONE who owns my life and bluring in deep hole of fatamorgana that came up after wot i've seen in this bias life...hang in here without trying hard and pray will be juz waste of time..
-but when all sorrows strike me out,,who else and where else i should run away and squeal on?? the ONE of Above is the one i go for...back to bow from kneeling and forehead touches and drawn in pray and hope for He will keep giving His grant from above to me unstopable..

if i'm outta my mind,,i feel mad and unhappy of all i got,,beyond my consideration...then i juz take ablution and seeing Him in my pray and feel really2 sorry for being mad...i dunno i'm a juz little creature-of fleash n blood i'm made,and sinful and contemptible n stigma---and sumtimes i cant handle my self, to some extend i might forgot my own obligation and drawning in worldly or glamorous life,,which i knew its juz temporarry times for me..while i should keep in mind that--

the eternity life that i will hav is e one after death

Dear Lord

dont let the Distant grow between me & You...

thank u for every beautiful days that i've got, the luckinez, the gifts, the colours in my life...

thank u for every obstacles i had--i knew that You juz perfecting me

I knew there's a blessing in every lesson...

thank u for Your Grant from Above..

When the sky is torn apart, so it was (like) a red rose, like ointment.
Then which of the favours of your Lord will you deny?
(ar-rahman:37-38)

Before the marriage:...

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Yes!
She: Will you hit me?
He: No way! I'm not such kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: My Hubby^^....

Now after the marriage you can read itfrom below to up !!!!

by e time goes by.... IT GOES BY---

You said I began This messy state of love affair And I drink too much and smoke too fast And this city's cleared my innocence Coffee is pouring out my ears It's the only thing they have in here And my heart stops beating And when it stops it stops My heart stopped And when it stops it stops My heart stopped beating Number tree still on my plateI heard the trains are running lateAnd I laugh out loud My life is a messI have gone too farIn my lifelessness Another coffee it's on the house The poor girl look is on the owners spouse And my heart stopped beating And when it stops it stops My heart stopped beatingAnd when it stops it stopsMy heart stopped beating Outside your house To make a scene In my head you grabbed me passionately But the lights are out And in an hour I walked on homeIn the pouring shower Lost my keys in front of me My neighbor's smile he's handing me The blackest coffee you will ever see And my hearts stopped beating And when it stops it stops My heart stopped beating And when it stops it stops My heart stopped beating...

-Emiliana Torrini-