I feel...

I feel sad
I feel angry
I feel frustrated
I feel confused
I feel afraid
I feel not worth
I feel painful
I feel tired
I feel like surviving
I feel like giving up
I feel so weak
I feel nothing

I am kneeling and put my forehead down... and say my wishes...

I never dream on this would be happen...
I never expect - no one will
all I'm hoping for our eyes and hearts would be opened wide...
we would realize what to do
we would wake up and understand how to be fair
we would get up and cure the broken heart
we would maintain the love
we would fill up the weakness and expose the strength

can we just deal with the current situation not the past?
if that's the rule I also have plenty to be vomited

there's a smoke - there's a fire

I only hope we would be able to deal with it...
and find the way out
and not to waste wot we had been through

Dear God,
please let me grow...
please give me strength to hold on the faith,, to get up and go,,
and never come back this way again...
Please guide us to find the way out...
Please..Please..Please...
help us to find the answer.....


now I only have to rewind everything and and fix up the mistakes...
thus, I have to prepare my self to be ready for the worst...

sometimes, if u have to lost something you've got to let it go...
but if it comes back then it means so much more

until this very moment,,,
I still believe we will get through this :))

..now..

by now,, I'm a like

To get up and go
To catch the last train
To get in some car and drive out again
To learn how to breath
To never come back this way...

my heart is singing this song at the very moment

As I lay me down
Heaven hear me now
I'm lost without a call
After giving it my all

Winter storms has come
And darken my sun
After all
That we've been through
Who on Earth
Can I turn to

I look to you

After all
My strength is gone
In you I can move on

I look to you

And when melodies
Are gone
In you
I hear a song

I LOOK TO YOU


-R.Kelly-

W.O.M.E.N

(Image taken from: http://bodyart.blog125.fc2.com/blog-entry-34.html)


Girl... Female... Feminine... Woman... Lady...
whatever they may been called...

the Creature that made by arts, with all the complication which comes close to perfection
All belong to them...
The heart that fulfilled with love to share, to care, to dare...
The mind that somehow filled with emotions to dilute what comes out from the heart...
The beautiful eyes that carry tears, but doesn't mean they weak, its the way they expressing their smooth feeling of sadness even sometimes came with the smile from---
The lips that have sweet tastes and somehow it has beautiful melodies out of it, the one even babies will fall asleep nicely hear it within...
The nice curve of the waist and hips to prop up the new creature that been carried safely in The Womb for three-trimester...
The both hands that unbelievably strong and feel so warm that giving amazing touch to protect to care and to love, to caring the new-born close to her chest and let them grow, they even could grab the lost soul to get to find its HOME... the arms that can cure the pain...
The sexy legs that carry above all, to walk on the park and teach their babies how to walk,
some of them even have to walk so far to stay alive and fight for their life...

With all the sweetness they have to cheer up the days,,,
With the sensitivity to be more care and to be aware,, but somehow they are able to hold the tears,, because how can they cheering up while tears are flowing out of those beautiful eyes,,,
Too sensitive sometimes, even easily breakage,,
but with the carefulness they manage to put back the broken pieces, even won't look like how it used to be,,,and they are too gentle to carry grudge,,,
With all their strength they could stood up in the suffers and facing the threats that life has been given to them...They bet their life for the new life, they sacrificing, their love is sincere, they are adorable, they are beautiful, they are shed of perfection, all complete...

But there's only ONE THING missing from them...
sometimes..
somehow..

"They just forgot how PRECIOUS they are"

10 Things about ME :)

1. What is your favourite flavor Ice Cream?
:: Hmmm...quite a tough one, I LOVE ICE CREAM sooo much, from the low fat to the yummiest doubble choco ones...but one of my Most Favorite is 'Cherry Garcia' from Ben & Jerry's

2. What is on your iPod?
:: dont use iPod,,but i compiled my music all in my Handy---Carl Cox, Uffie, Bloc Party, Bjork, John Legend, Ne-yo, R. Kelly, Corinne B. Rae, Mars Volta, RadioHead, PutuMayo, and many more but all those are my fav.

3. What is the most impossible thing you will never be seen with/like?
:: hhmmm... fakebags and Crocs and blonde hair,,hihihihih

4. What is your most fav food?
:: to be very honest, I am a big time weight watcher, cause I used to be fat, so, I have to be careful when it comes to the food consumption, but I LOVE SUSHI and pasta(s).. and one thing, I love to cook too :P

5. My Current Obsession?
:: Alexander Wang Clutch and Black Satin Louboutin baby :p

6. My Favorite piece in my wardrobe?
:: My hands-on Vintage Chanel bag from my Mom :)

7. Recent Purchases?
:: Pair of White Wedge, Red Rubber Shoes, Black Heels, Winter Coat, & Body Warmer ;)

8. Matters I can't live without? (coz I cant say things ;p)
:: My Bamy,, My Mom,, My Dad (my Portable ATM Machine) haha,, My Cellphone,, My wallet,, and Petroleum Jelly :)

9. My Style Icon & Inspirations?
:: Icon - The Olsen Twins,,, Victoria Beckham,,,
:: Inspirations - Vogue,,, Bazaar,,, (F)tv,,, My Uncle as the Designer here in Indonesia (Barli Asmara),,, Street Wears,,, Mix & Match editorials,,, Fashion Blogs

10. If I can own one thing where price doesn't matter, that would be...
:: My Private Jet Plane :) So, I can be a 'Jumper' ;p

My WishList

LOMOgraphic CAMERA
I want..I want...I want...I want....I want....
I juz wanna start to taking photos again,,,since i already left it loonngggg time ago,,,
need to check whether my skill still there or not,,,huahahahahaha


RayBan Wayfarer II dualtone
been wanted this for so long... :(


Bruno Frisoni Shoes frm fall-winter 08/09
OMG.. I'm so all over this heels, havnt got shoe fetish for quite ages



LG KF900 Prada
I actually just grab my handy of Nokia E71...but I saw this on sale by now,,
aaarrrggggghhhhhh...feels like am gonna betray my E71,,hihihihihi

My heart cries out loud

All I wanna do is just to give a sparkle of happiness to the people I LOVE THE MOST...
I am not a Santa Claus that brings Joy to the world and made kids happy to give em gift and make their wishes come real...
I'd try my best to put smile on their face as long as I could as long as I'm able to...
juz a sparkle like I said...

Is it wrong if I'm happy to see someone else is feeling happy even they are dancing around above my anguished heart,,, although they are the one who put it there,,, for me...
I dont care,,, I've learn not to carry grudge,,it so hard,,, its like fighting with yourself...
but its hard to live with it,,, I realize I have to build self-controlled not to let my 'evil side' of me drivin me to a direction or guide me to do sumthin I wouldn't had in mind for my self to be 'it' or 'there'...

People made mistakes,,that's what human do!!!
Even I sometimes afraid of making mistakes whereas ironically I STRIVE FOR PERFECTION...
sumhow to walk on e shaking bridge we have to pretend that it's a normal bridge so we will pass thru it easily...sumhow cares could got slipped too and become careless it seems...

To be very honest, I just wanna make everybody happy,,, fine at least...
I know its easy to find enemies and hard to find friends...
I juz wish by the time I step out this life everybody will cry,,
coz there were one time I've been nice to them all...

the Awaken Night and I...

...I dunno why I got awake suddenly,, I was actually having a very nice sleep,,
I haven't really bloged well for so long,, barely even write on my diary (OMG,,so old fashion)- I know, but I still do that sometimes and I still keep my diary :P and I just grabbed it again and have a looked at it,,
I stayed at one particular page, which I my self don't really remember when I wrote it, I guess it was around 2 or 3 years back, I wish I have a scanner in my room so that I can scan and post it here,,hihihihihi... so that I can show my old hand writting and my nonsensical stuff that I wrote,,hihihihi (I know,,,as usual...)
well,,let me just retype it here then ^^

In overall terrible facts then come out big wishes
where soul would never rest to roll over
and eyes would never stop tearing..
Heart already is supposed to keep on beating,
but it beats without rhymes that carry the unknown meanings
..underneath the undefeated thoughts on...
why I have to be borned?
why I have tears?
why we have to die?
and what is the point of loving each other between two-hearts if there are zillion of hearts still wondering what is the meaning of love?!?!

Years and yearsI live on this earth
with a simple wish which never ever gonna comes true
..severe hope bellow the pieces of broken heart
..I wish my Dad will come home,,
by then I know everything is gonna be alrite!!
Impacable causes & troubles are just started from the root where everything happens and strikes everything out...

Life is such a horror theme
and Love is a bitch..
it comes and goes, contain beautiful lies and dare to conquer everything
after u drawning inside it
...but just imagine life without bitching around!?!
you will striked out yourself,, you will stuck and die in a boredom..
or...
live with it and enjoy the pain
and it's all about the beautiful ones
so you will die with the big ass smile on your face :)

-sarah-

LOL
well,,dats wot made me stared at for few minutes,,hihih..
anyway,,gotta get back to bed now...

Quote of the day:

"I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not" - K.Cobain

Juz the Random feeling...

I feel somethin missing, without knowing what have I found
I feel I have found something, without knowing what have I been looking for
and I still feel like looking for, without knowing what has been missing

Sometimes I realizing the undefeated eagerness that cause me acting so fierce and uncontrolled its juz because too many things going through my mind,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, too many things I wanna grab in one shot!!!!!!!!!!!!! and its always about,, "WHY can't I have the thing like what she/he has???"

Now, wot I have to learn for my self is just to learn how to pleased my self in grateful, and start to think about the thing that I think is not the thing that I deserved is actually the thing that I think "NOT" and its the thing that I should think about it twice to hold on it so that I won't missed the thing just because I don't think its the good thing for me :D :D :D :D

The thing is (again...)
I should learn how to appreciate MY SELF, and feel grateful that I've been blessed this much and never think that somebody else's grass is greener than mine...
so,,,I should have wake up in the morning and start to say thankful that I still got chance to run another day of my life,,the brand new day,,,each and everytime I woke up in the morning,,when the sun is shinning through my window (although sometimes its annoying,,I should be glad by it :D) and the noisy rooster that wakes me up early in the morning,,,hahahahaha...thats how my 'morning orchestra' sounds like-and I LUV IT!!!
well,,light up your day Sarah!!!



QUOTE of the DAY:

'You know, we're all whores, but only some of us get paid.' (Virginia Fallon (Demi Moore) in Bobby, 2006)